Tax Return - My Head Hurts

I have to fill in a tax return. No big deal, I'm comfortable with taxes/income/expenses etc and the online system seems to ask most of the right questions. The pain for me is that I can't log in to the stupid thing. I eventually found the government gateway card which of course I haven't seen since last year. For all the fervour, the government gateway have decided that we need to have automatically generated alpha-numeric user ids of 12 characters. Great! Not remembering that then! I can remember my NI number, bank account numbers and even my online bank user id but not this one. So anyway, I go to login - what was the password? Oh that's OK, I found my last year piece of paper which I have written my password down on so now we have zero security if anyone rifles through my desk - they will find user id and password. I tried to login and it failed. I tried all the normal passwords I use and none of them work so I have to use the trusty old "forgot password" link. Now every other site in the world will simply ask you to fill in your registered email address and they'll send you a link. Perhaps a security question just in case and you're away but not HMRC.gov.uk. You need to type in your userid (got than on a card) the email address you registered with - funnily enough forgot that too so tried a few. Then you have to fill in your national insurance number (i know that off by heart) and the dreaded Unique Taxpayers Reference (as if they haven't already asked for everything). NOT ONE piece of paper from HMRC contains a line saying anything like UTR. I have about 10 different tax references and one number appears a few times that certainly looks like it might be a unique tax reference but after all that NO DICE.
I have to call them up. No doubt they have to employ 10000 helpdesk staff because they system is so typically over the top stupid crap that probably 50% of people have to call it every year. No doubt they will ask me security questions, probably which I've forgotten and then they'll have to send me a new password in the post or some other very insecure system.
The worst thing is, apart from my PAYE, I've only earned about £75 for the year and paid tax on most of it already and people wonder why most folk can't be arsed to fill in their tax return honestly.
"Tax doesn't have to be taxing" maybe not but unfortunately the HMRC website does have to be taxing.